Thursday 17 January 2013

Using Attention in a New Way


One of the things we are trying to do here, is learn to pay attention to seeing what complicates our attention -- where we get caught, what makes it difficult. Because the place we get caught is also the place where we are going to feel stress.  The place we get hung up is often a very important window into understanding how we are most likely to suffer, or how we are more likely to cause problems in our life.
So we start by paying attention, which we all have the capacity to do. Yet when we get interested in this practice, how is it that our ability to stay calmly connected to the present moment gets somehow disrupted?  People who meditate will sometimes think that the disruption is the problem. Disruption sounds like a bad word: "I got disrupted." I got caught. When we do this meditation practice, we try to not judge anything as being bad or inappropriate. Rather we try to fold everything back into the attention. In other words, to notice this. Pay attention. What’s going on. Notice this, notice this. “Ah, I just got caught. I heard someone cough, and it reminded me that my friend was sick, and I wondered if I should visit my friend in the hospital, and I wonder how late Kaiser is open, and then I notice, "I'm teaching a class…oh!" So, it’s an example of getting pulled in. It was an innocent example, but it could also not be so innocent.  Rather than saying that I shouldn’t have had that train of thought, what we try to do is fold everything back into the attention. "Oh, look at that, that’s what a disruption is like. That’s what it’s like for the mind to get hooked, get carried away. That’s what it’s like. That’s what it’s like."
Do you understand that principle? It is a really important one. Sometimes, people who have been meditating for 10 years haven’t learned this one yet. Haven’t learned that there’s nothing that doesn’t need to happen. There’s nothing that you should say "that shouldn’t happen". Rather, it’s one more thing to learn to pay attention to. And if you learn to pay attention well, there is freedom to be found in attention.  In paying attention, there is a way of doing it where you are not caught, trapped, oppressed, influenced, or driven by what’s going on, inside or outside yourself. And that gives you a tremendous power to go about your life. If you have the ability not to be pushed around by your inner compulsions or the pressures from the outside. We learn this by learning how to use the attention in a new way. 

Wednesday 11 January 2012

Two keys to a successful marriage.

Almost every marriage starts out as a huge celebration. Together with their family and friends, each couple is full of hopes and dreams for their future life together. But the road to a happy marriage is far from easy. And as today’s divorce statistics demonstrate all too well, many couples opt not to complete the journey.
It would be easy to blame our high rate of marital failure on things like not spending enough quality time together, allowing bitterness and resentment to build in our hearts and failing to keep communication lines open. There’s no end to books, articles and seminars that tell you how to improve these and many other aspects of your relationship. But while quality time, forgiveness and communication are vitally important to creating a happy marriage, if such things aren’t happening, it’s usually a sign of a much deeper problem. And until this problem is addressed, no amount of external behavior modification will work.
To get a hint of what this deeper issue might be, let’s take a look at the following Scripture passage:
One of them, an expert in the law, tested him [Jesus] with this question: "Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?"
Jesus replied: "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments." (Matthew 22:35-40)
I believe that virtually every marital problem can be traced back to one or both partners failing to abide by these two laws. The same is true of any relationship. The minute we begin to focus on our own wants and needs over those of God or our partner; we’re destined for trouble.
Experiencing communication problems in your marriage? How often do you really focus on listening to what your partner (or God) has to say instead of insisting on more airtime? Feeling bitterness and resentment growing toward your partner? When was the last time you brought him or her before the Lord in prayer and truly thanked God for your relationship? Struggling to find quality time together? How about praying with your partner and asking God how he would like you to use your time?
As you begin to do these things, you’ll notice that your focus automatically starts to shift away from you and your desires and over to God and your partner. As a result, communication problems begin to improve, anger and resentment fade away and you naturally want to spend more time together. Of course, you can’t expect such changes to happen overnight. Your relationship is also bound to face financial pressures, childrearing issues and other problems that are beyond your control. But if you commit your relationship to God and make a conscious decision each day to put God and your partner first, your marriage will be able to weather any storm. Not only that; you’ll also have plenty of fun together along the way!
Have you struggled to find happiness in your marriage? Perhaps it’s time you and your spouse invited God to direct your relationship. If you would like to do so, we encourage you to pray the following:
"Dear God, thank you so much for bringing us together as a couple. We know that you have a plan and a purpose for our marriage, and we invite you to forgive the past self-centeredness, come into our lives and relationship and direct our steps from now on. Please give us the grace to put you and each other first every day. Make our relationship a blessing to others. But most of all; make it a blessing to you. Amen."
Please don't  forget to comment and do not hold back your correction and criticism,thanks.
N.B:(word from kevin miller)

Sunday 8 January 2012

8 tips for healthy living on the go


8 tips for healthy living on the go
Are you a busy entrepreneur or employee who is usually on the go and doesn’t have a lot of time, but still wants to make 2012 the year that you get healthier?
Don’t worry, you’re not alone. Most people want to get healthy, more fitter and look younger yet they can’t seem to find the time for it. In fact, I have seen advertisements on TV since the New Year for at least 7 different fitness workouts by various celebrities and actresses, but I wonder how many people will actually stick to the plans when they purchase it.
Listen, if 2012 is going to be different for you, your body and your family, then it’s time to buckle up and find new habits that will serve you better. Don’t you agree? Healthy living doesn’t have to be hard; it was never created to be. But it does require a small amount of commitment and a big love for being refreshed.
Here are eight tips for healthy living on the go:
1. Enjoy a pint of water first thing in the morning.
If you haven’t got time for anything else in the morning, make time to drink a big glass of water. We lose a lot of oxygen through the night and to rejuvenate our cells, we need to supply them with water and oxygen. Drink a glass of water and within a week you’ll begin to feel less tired. I like the taste of water, but I know some people do not so if you’re one of them, squeeze some fresh lime into your water to give it taste and drink up.
2. Grab a few fresh fruits on your way out.
Wherever you’re going – whether it’s a walk or drive to the supermarket or on your way to a meeting – pick up one or two fruits and eat them. If you leave for work in the morning and don’t return ’til evening, take a few fruits and eat them throughout the day. Fruits are great for their nutrients, vitamins and sugars that are required in our body.
3. Avoid going to junk food shops with your work mates.
If your work mates are going and you want to go along, go ahead but don’t order the burger or French fries. Go for a nice salad instead. Or any other healthy meal that takes your fancy. Junk food is full of “empty calories” that do nothing for your body but put on extra unneeded and unhealthy fat.
4. Exercise on the go.
If you work in an office, get up every 30 minutes and go for a walk. If you have an office with stairs, run up and down the stairs every couple of hours. Get your blood flowing and your muscles moving.
5. Drink herbal teas.
When at work or home, many people love to get a cup of tea or coffee. Decide that you’ll be healthier and get a warm cup of herbal tea. The selection available today is absolutely massive, so you’re guaranteed to find one you enjoy. I like tianshi and ginseng tea as well as fennel seed tea.
6. Eat a handful of nuts.
Get your favorite selection of nuts (almonds, cashews, pecans, walnuts, etc.) and raisins and have a big handful of them at around 3pm. This has been shown to increase afternoon energy and productivity.
7. Say yes to freshly squeezed juice.
One of the biggest and most exciting changes you can make in your health is having your own freshly squeezed juice every morning. Your energy, body health and vitality will increased ten-fold. create the time to squeeze your own carrot-apple-ginger juice; however if you don’t have the time, ask someone if they can make it for you in exchange for something you can help them with, or get yourself to a local juice bar and get your share of the juice!
8. Deep breathing.
When you’ve got time – at your desk, driving the car, cooking food – do some deep breathing. Inhale and count up to 5 seconds, hold it for a few seconds, and release slowly. Exchange of oxygen and carbon dioxide is one of the best things we can do for our blood and cells.
Do you have any tips for healthy living on the go? Do tell…

Saturday 7 January 2012

simple things that matters.


What's the key to successful relationships? Here, Verbatim reveals the simple things you need to know to deepen your partnership and make your relationship work
1. Without quality time, your relationship will not survive. Carve out at least half an hour a night, and at least one day a month when you the two of you spend time exclusively together.
2. You will both need security, comfort. A good relationship is built on compromise and a great deal of give and take on both sides.
3. Keep your dependence and independence in balance. Tell and show your partner how much you need him, but don't cling, as that can make your partner feel trapped.
4. Encourage him to listen to you, by showing appreciation when he does. By the same token, show interest when he talks to you. Be aware that most men aren't mentally programmed for conversation in the way women are. They need more silence and internal time.
5. Make him appreciate you. Don't wait for a spontaneous compliment, but say something good about yourself and ask for his agreement.
6. Teach him, preferably early in your relationship, exactly how to give you a fail-safe orgasm because it's unlikely he'll find out alone. If you don't yet know yourself, find out.
7. Learn to do the one thing that is most likely to restore good feeling in your relationship - giving your partner a genuine, loving and approving smile.
8.Often those subtle quirks that first attracted you to your partner can, with time, turn around and become toe-curlingly annoying habits. Learn to love him, warts and all.
9. Hidden resentments poison a relationship; so if something bothers you, say it. Remember that while men are wary of emotional conversations, they love to find solutions. Express your problem and then ask him to help you find the answer.
10. Learn that punishing your partner won't work. It may make you feel better to give him a hard time, but it will actually make him dig his heels in more. A better tactic is to reward the things you like and ignore what you don't like.
11. Money is the number one cause of couple conflict. For a relationship to work, you need to address your finances and work out a budget. You could also read Stop Fighting About Money by Corinne Sweet
18. Learn how to argue well. The trick is to never say anything that you wouldn't want to hear said to you.
19. Research suggests you need five positive experiences to erase the memory of one negative experience. So give five kind words for each bitchy comment. Give five hugs for each cold shoulder.
20. Learn how to negotiate. Each of you states what you want, then both of you work together to find a way forward.
21. Accept the things that won't change. Some characteristics about your partner are there for life - and you have to face that.
22. Learn to forgive. If you know you will never forgive your partner over something important, then give him - and yourself - a break and start again, with someone else.
23. Realise that the two of you will shift and change over the years. So, even if you think you understand him, or believe you have agreements sorted, check regularly - at least once a year - to make sure that neither of you has changed your mind.
24. Know when to leave. If your life aims are incompatible, there are heavy drugs or violence around, or if there is consistently more pain than pleasure, then walk before the relationship destroys you.
25. Don't think that going to counseling equals failure. It can turn a bad relationship around. It can turn an average relationship into a brilliant one.
And let the love always do the talking....................keep loving.

Thursday 29 December 2011

"I love you" in 100 languages.

English - I love you
Afrikaans - Ek het jou lief
Albanian - Te dua
Arabic - Ana behibak (to male)
Arabic - Ana behibek (to female)
Armenian - Yes kez sirumem
Bambara - M'bi fe
Bengali - Ami tomake bhalobashi (pronounced: Amee toe-ma-kee bhalo-bashee)
Belarusian - Ya tabe kahayu
Bisaya - Nahigugma ako kanimo
Bulgarian - Obicham te
Cambodian - Soro lahn nhee ah
Catalan - T'estimo
Cherokee - Tsi ge yu i
Cheyenne - Ne mohotatse
Chichewa - Ndimakukonda
Chinese
Cantonese - Ngo oiy ney a
Mandarin - Wo ai ni
Comanche - U kamakutu nu
(pronounced oo----ka-ma-koo-too-----nu) -- Thx Tony Corsican - Ti tengu caru (to male)
Cree - Kisakihitin
Creol - Mi aime jou
Croatian - Volim te
Czech - Miluji te
Danish - Jeg Elsker Dig
Dutch - Ik hou van jou
Elvish - Amin mela lle (from The Lord of The Rings, by J.R.R. Tolkien)
Esperanto - Mi amas vin
Estonian - Ma armastan sind
Ethiopian - Afgreki'
Faroese - Eg elski teg
Farsi - Doset daram
Filipino - Mahal kita
Finnish - Mina rakastan sinua
French - Je t'aime, Je t'adore
Frisian - Ik hald fan dy
Gaelic - Ta gra agam ort
Georgian - Mikvarhar
German - Ich liebe dich
Greek - S'agapo
Gujarati - Hoo thunay prem karoo choo
Hiligaynon - Palangga ko ikaw
Hawaiian - Aloha Au Ia`oe
Hebrew
To female - "ani ohev otach" (said by male) "ohevet Otach" (said by female)
To male - "ani ohev otcha" (said by male) "Ohevet ot'cha" (said by female)
Hiligaynon - Guina higugma ko ikaw
Hindi - Hum Tumhe Pyar Karte hae
Hmong - Kuv hlub koj
Hopi - Nu' umi unangwa'ta
Hungarian - Szeretlek
Icelandic - Eg elska tig
Ilonggo - Palangga ko ikaw
Indonesian - Saya cinta padamu
Inuit - Negligevapse
Irish - Taim i' ngra leat
Italian - Ti amo
Japanese - Aishiteru or Anata ga daisuki desu
Kannada - Naanu ninna preetisuttene
Kapampangan - Kaluguran daka
Kiswahili - Nakupenda
Konkani - Tu magel moga cho
Korean - Sarang Heyo or Nanun tangshinul sarang hamnida
Latin - Te amo
Latvian - Es tevi miilu
Lebanese - Bahibak
Lithuanian - Tave myliu
Luxembourgeois - Ech hun dech gaer
Macedonian - Te Sakam
Malay - Saya cintakan mu / Aku cinta padamu
Malayalam - Njan Ninne Premikunnu
Maltese - Inhobbok
Marathi - Me tula prem karto
Mohawk - Kanbhik
Moroccan - Ana moajaba bik
Nahuatl - Ni mits neki
Navaho - Ayor anosh'ni
Ndebele - Niyakutanda
Norwegian
Bokmaal - Jeg elsker deg
Nyonrsk - Eg elskar deg
Pandacan - Syota na kita!!
Pangasinan - Inaru Taka
Papiamento - Mi ta stimabo
Persian - Doo-set daaram
Pig Latin - Iay ovlay ouyay
Polish - Kocham Ciebie
Portuguese - Eu te amo
Romanian - Te iubesc
Russian - Ya tebya liubliu
Scot Gaelic - Tha gra\dh agam ort
Serbian - Volim te
Setswana - Ke a go rata
Sign Language - ,\,,/ (represents position of fingers when signing 'I Love You')
Sindhi - Maa tokhe pyar kendo ahyan
Sioux - Techihhila
Slovak - Lu`bim ta
Slovenian - Ljubim te
Spanish - Te quiero / Te amo
Swahili - Ninapenda wewe
Swedish - Jag alskar dig
Swiss-German - Ich lieb Di
Surinam - Mi lobi joe
Tagalog - Mahal kita
Taiwanese - Wa ga ei li
Tahitian - Ua Here Vau Ia Oe
Tamil - Nan unnai kathalikaraen
Telugu - Nenu ninnu premistunnanu
Thai
To female - Phom rak khun
To male - Chan rak khun
Informal - Rak te
Tunisian - Ha eh bak
Turkish - Seni Seviyorum
Ukrainian - Ya tebe kahayu
Urdu - mai aap say pyaar karta hoo
Vietnamese
To female - Anh ye^u em
To male - Em ye^u anh
Welsh - 'Rwy'n dy garu di   
Yiddish - Ikh hob dikh
Yoruba - Mo ni fe
Zazi - Ezhele hezdege
Zuni - Tom ho' ichema

Thursday 8 December 2011

choices and consequences.


CHOICES AND CONSEQUENCES
I felt as if I were walking with destiny, and that all my past life had been but a preparation for this hour and this trial.
Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965)

A story was once told of a man who believe that his life and destiny in life is attached to the number ‘five(5)’, he was born on march 5,eat five times a day, had five children, rent the fifth house  on the fifth street on the fifth avenue.
He always buy everything in fives and so one day he decided to put all his live savings in to a bet on a horse named cinco(Spanish word for the number 5) in a horse race and at last the horse came out fifth in the race, surprisingly the man blame the number five for his woes. Having a good reflection on the story we will find out that it all boils down to the choices that had been made by a man and not a problem with the number five(5).
Many of us today think and act like the man in the story, always blaming things and people around us for the failure and pain we caused ourselves and never taking time to consider holistically, the choices we made that brought the failure. The other day I decided to stay indoor for the whole day and  had to make an important call but I had no credit on my phone, you should know what the end result will be and it was my choice.
From our wake up time to our bed time, relationship to finances, marriage to careers, all are product of our choices and they will one way or the other had consequence(s) whether positive or negative on the direction our live will go. Many fail an examination and decided not to try again and therefore end up at that level, many suffered heartbreaks from relationship with people and never got over it but what they fail to understand is the fact that they are making a choice and at the end will be haunted by the outcome.
Those good things we enjoy were made possible because certain individual made good choices in the past and the weight now rest on our shoulder to start to make right choices and continue making them because there is always a consequence attached.
Even in the choice of the food we eat, the clothe we wear and the company we keep, all in one way or the other will leave a mark. From obesity and diabetes to rape and imprisonment or bankruptcy, there is always a way to end.
Why should you choose to steal or rob others of their goods in order to survive? Why should you choose to cheat before you can pass?
Why should you choose not to stand up for anything and keep falling for everything and why always choose failure in place of excellence?
All the excuse in the world  will never make up for any problem that arises from choices and the only panacea to it is to take responsibility for those choices, start to make better and positive ones and always be ready to live with the consequence(s).   

marriage matters.

This is a true life story of a man. I hope after reading it you will find a lesson in it. happy reading…………………
When I got home that night as my wife serve dinner, I held her hand and said, I have to something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly i did not know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what i was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.
She did not seems to be my annoyed by my words, Instead she asked me softly, why,I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man that night we did not talk to each other. She was weeping. I new she want to find out what happen to our marriage. But i could hardly give her a satisfactory answer, she has lost my heart to dew, I don’t love her any more, I just pitied her.
With a deep sense of quilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30 stake of my company. she glance at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who has spend ten years of her life with me has become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted life time, resource and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I love dew dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected see. To me her cry was actually a release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I did not had supper but went straight to bed and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with dew. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions. She did not need anything from me, but needed a month notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live a normal life as possible, Her reason were simple. our son has his exams in a month time and she did not want to disrupt him with our broken marriage. This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she ask me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.
She requested that every morning for the month duration I will carry her out of our bedroom to the front door every morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request. I told dew about my wife divorce conditions....she laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what trick she applies ,she has to face the divorce ,she said scornfully.
My wife and I had not had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. so when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His word brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, i walk over ten meters with her in my arms. She close her eyes and said softly, don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down out side the door. she went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young anymore. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was greying! Our marriage had taking its toll on her. For a minute i wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slip by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. she was choosing what to wear one morning, she tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one...Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. i suddenly realized that she had grown thin, that was the reason why i could carry her easily. suddenly it hit me ...she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.
our son came in the moment and said, Dad, its time to carry mum out. to him, seeing his father carrying his  mother out had become essential part of his life. My wife gesture to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because i was afraid i might change my mind at this last minute, I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room to the hallway. her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. i held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad. on the last day when i held her in my arms i could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said; I  hadn't notice that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office ....jumped out of the swiftly without locking door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind....I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door and i say to her, sorry, Dew, I do not want the divorce anymore.
She looked at me astonished and then touched my forehead. do you have a fever? she said. I moved her hand off my head. sorry, Dew, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other any more. now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.
              Dew seems to suddenly wake up. she gave a loud slap and than slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The sales girl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart. that evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, i run upstairs, only to find my wife in the bed-dead.

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. it is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank, blah! blah!! blah!!! these create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. so find time to be your spouse's friend and those little things for each other that build intimacy. do you have a real happy marriage!